Irish humour… Wedlock!

Jokes about marriage have been popular since Adam and Eve first tied the knot. The age old struggle between husband and wife provide endless opportunities for humour.

The jokes come in all shapes and sizes from pithy one-liners to rambling tales about the joys or tribulations of wedlock. Every subject is covered from mundane arguments about dishwashers and household chores to the more glamorous diamond rings and expensive cruises.

Sometimes the husband is the butt of the joke, sometimes it’s the wife.

Either way we’re treated to a colourful array of married life in all its glory…from idealistic newlyweds at their wedding reception to couples approaching their golden wedding anniversary. We hope you enjoy this selection of our favourites.

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I got home from the pub about midnight Sunday. The wife was sat in the armchair, crying her eyes out in the dark.
I could see that someone heartless had upset her, but I knew it wasn’t me – I haven’t been home since Thursday!
* * *

* * *
It wouldn’t be fair to have a battle of wits with my husband. He’s completely unarmed.
* * *
“I can’t take it anymore, it’s my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!” says a man to his friend.
“Don’t you mean ‘hysterical’?” asked his friend.
“No, I mean historical, every argument we have, she’ll go, ‘I still remember that time when you…’
* * *

* * *
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I winked at her and said: “Do you want a cuddle?”
“No” she answered.
I said: “Is that your final answer?”
So I said: “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And that’s when the fight started…
* * *

* * *
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Argue with the wife and you sleep on your own.
~ Brendan Grace
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* * *
My wife was standing looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me:
“I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
I replied: “Your eyesight’s near perfect.”
* * *

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