Irish humour… toast the Irish

Irish jokes and toasts. Image copyright Ireland Calling

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Father Dolan answers the phone.
“Hello Father Dolan, this is the Inland Revenue Service, income tax department. I wonder if you can you help us Ted Brown tells us that he’s a member of your congregation. Did he donate €10,000 to the church?”

“He will.”

* * *

Have you ever had that awkward moment when push really hard on a door, and then look at the handle and it says pull.

* * *

When an Irishman was asked to translate mañana, he said that he could think of no term conveying such urgency.

* * *

* * *
“How come every time you ring a wrong number it’s never engaged?”

* * *

“The baby is just like his father” said Brigit, “but at least he’s got his health!”

* * *

Irish jokes and toasts. Image copyright Ireland Calling

* * *
Mahony was late for a meeting and desperate to find a parking space, so he looked up to heaven.

“Please Lord, if you help me find a spot I’ll give up drinking and go to mass every week,” he prayed.

The clouds parted and a ray of sunlight shone on an empty space.

“Never mind Lord” said Mahoney, “I’ve just found one.”

* * *

Irish jokes and toasts. Image copyright Ireland Calling

* * *

An old man and old woman have been friends for years. Eventually, the man asks: “Will you marry me?”

The woman says: “Yes, I will.”

The next day, the man wakes up worried, he knew he’d proposed, but couldn’t remember how she’d answered.

Nervously, he phones her: “When I asked if you would marry me, what did you say?”

The woman answers: “I said ‘Yes I will’ and I’m glad you called, because I couldn’t remember who’d asked me.”

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Irish jokes and toasts. Image copyright Ireland Calling

Click to discover more things the Irish would NEVER say

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I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one.

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“How far is it to the next village?” asked the tourist.

“It’s about seven miles” said the farmer, “but it’s only five if you run!”

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Irish jokes and toasts. Image copyright Ireland Calling

Shamrocks. Image copyright Ireland Calling

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