Schooldays are often said to be the happiest days of our life. Well, that may not always be the case but they can certainly be among the funniest. School trips, battles of wits between teachers and pupils, first loves… they all provide a rich source of comedy.
Much of the humour comes from the perspective of innocent children looking out and misunderstanding the ways of the adult world. They see it all afresh and in doing so can reveal the silliness of some of our ways and the things we take for granted. Sometimes the child can seem wiser than the adult… but sometimes age and experience win the day.
Most of us wish we had worked harder at school… and many of us make up for it later by taking adult learning courses at schools and colleges, but no matter how important or serious the subject, there’s always a joke around the corner when it comes to schools and colleges.
* * *
Six-year-old Jack started to notice that his mother was getting larger and larger around the waist everyday when he got home from school.
With the candour of youth he asked her: “Mammy, why is your tummy getting fatter everyday?”
His mother smiled and said: “It’s because I’m having a baby.”
Jack looked bemused: “You’ve got a baby inside you? Where did it come from?”
“Your daddy gave it to me.”
Jack looked sceptical and went to see dad: “Daddy, did you give mammy a baby?”
“Yes, I did” said his father.
“Well, she’s eaten it!” said Jack.
* * *
* * *
The children were lined up in the food-hall of a Catholic school for lunch.
There was a large pile of apples with a note;
“Take only one. God is watching.”
Further along the lunch line, there was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another: “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
* * *
Two boys were arguing, so the teacher says: “Why are you arguing?”
One boy answers: “We found a ten euro note and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”
The teacher said: “You should be ashamed of yourselves. When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”
The boys gave the money to the teacher.
* * *
If Mars had earthquakes – would they be called marsquakes?
* * *
And do you remember those essays you’d have to write every September?
“What I did on my summer holidays?”
Like they were only letting you out on parole or something!
~ Tommy Tiernan
* * *
* * *
The child comes home from his first day at school.
Mother: “What did you learn today?”
Child: “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.”
* * *
A private school had a problem with its 12-year-old girls starting to use lipstick.
They would put it on in the bathroom, and then would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the cleaner would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.
The head-teacher and the cleaner called the girls to the bathroom.
The teacher explained that the lip prints had to be cleaned off every night.
To show how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the cleaner to show the girls how much effort was required.
She took out a squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers… and then there are educators.
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All images are copyright Ireland Calling.
Many of the jokes we show we have written ourselves, others are well known old favourites and some may have been written by people we simply cannot trace and so cannot credit. Please contact us if you feel any of this material is yours and we will be happy to attribute it.
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