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Tall Tales – Don’t mess with the Irish

How the ‘unbeatable’ Roman Army was kicked out of Ireland

History says the Romans never bothered with Ireland…what nonsense!

Legend has it they once sent a vast army to conquer this beautiful country…attracted by its rich farmland, stunning scenery and infinite supply of rain.

However, it didn’t go as planned for the ‘unbeatable’ Romans.

As soon as they landed in Bannow Bay with their vast army, a single Irishman called Fierce O’Brutalfiercelyfierce popped his head above a ditch and shouted. “One Irish warrior can defeat five Roman soldiers.”

The Roman general smirked at such folly and sent his five best soldiers to teach this impudent bogtrotter a lesson.

The soldiers charged over the ditch and although they were out of sight, everyone could hear the ferocious screams of battle that chilled the heart. The Roman general called to his men to stop enjoying themselves and come back at once.

Then there was a deathly silence and the General looked on in horror as the Irishman popped his head above the ditch and said: “I didn’t realise your soldiers were so weak. Now I realise that one Irish warrior can defeat 50 Roman soldiers.

How the ‘unbeatable’ Roman Army was kicked out of Ireland

The general was furious at the impertinence and the loss of his men. He sent 50 of his best soldiers to seek revenge. Again the sound of battle was fearsome. Then came the same deathly silence before the Irishman popped his head over the ditch again and said. “This is even easier than I thought. Now I realise that one Irish warrior can defeat a thousand Roman soldiers.

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The centurion rose to a fury and was about to order his entire army to charge when suddenly a Roman soldier, battered and bleeding from the fighting, raised his head above the ditch beside the Irishman and warned with his dying breath: “Don’t do it sir. It’s a trap…there’s TWO of them.”

The Romans turned and fled and never troubled Ireland again.