Irish humour… toast the Irish

Irish jokes and toasts. Image copyright Ireland Calling

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Father Dolan answers the phone.
“Hello Father Dolan, this is the Inland Revenue Service, income tax department. I wonder if you can you help us Ted Brown tells us that he’s a member of your congregation. Did he donate €10,000 to the church?”
“He will.”
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Have you ever had that awkward moment when push really hard on a door, and then look at the handle and it says pull.
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When an Irishman was asked to translate mañana, he said that he could think of no term conveying such urgency.
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Irish jokes and toasts. Image copyright Ireland Calling

* * *
“How come every time you ring a wrong number it’s never engaged?”
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“The baby is just like his father” said Brigit, “but at least he’s got his health!”
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Irish jokes and toasts. Image copyright Ireland Calling

* * *
Mahony was late for a meeting and desperate to find a parking space, so he looked up to heaven.
“Please Lord, if you help me find a spot I’ll give up drinking and go to mass every week,” he prayed.
The clouds parted and a ray of sunlight shone on an empty space.
“Never mind Lord” said Mahoney, “I’ve just found one.”
* * *

Irish jokes and toasts. Image copyright Ireland Calling

* * *
An old man and old woman have been friends for years. Eventually, the man asks: “Will you marry me?”
The woman says: “Yes, I will.”
The next day, the man wakes up worried, he knew he’d proposed, but couldn’t remember how she’d answered.
Nervously, he phones her: “When I asked if you would marry me, what did you say?”
The woman answers: “I said ‘Yes I will’ and I’m glad you called, because I couldn’t remember who’d asked me.”
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Irish jokes and toasts. Image copyright Ireland Calling

Click to discover more things the Irish would NEVER say

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I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one.
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“How far is it to the next village?” asked the tourist.
“It’s about seven miles” said the farmer, “but it’s only five if you run!”
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Irish jokes and toasts. Image copyright Ireland Calling
Shamrocks. Image copyright Ireland Calling

Father Ted in A Christmassy Ted


HumourIrish shamrocks. Image Copyright - Ireland Calling

All images are copyright Ireland Calling.

Many of the jokes we show we have written ourselves, others are well known old favourites and some may have been written by people we simply cannot trace and so cannot credit. Please contact us if you feel any of this material is yours and we will be happy to attribute it.

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