St Valentine’s Day – a time that seems to fill loving couples with a sense of delight or dread, depending on their point of view…
Is it a time for romance, to declare your undying love to your partner? Or the time when you feel pressurised into spending your hard earned money on overpriced cards, chocolates, flowers etc.
Whatever your opinion on this commercialised love fest, there’s no doubt that there’s a lot of humour to be found in the thoughts of the romantic… and the not so romantic.
These are some of our favourites.
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What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts!
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Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Their wedding ceremony wasn’t fancy. The reception, however, was excellent.
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A few days before Valentine’s Day, at the Post Office, Pat saw a middle-aged man spraying perfume on hundreds of bright pink envelopes covered in hearts.
Pat asked the man why he was sending all those cards.
He replied: “I’m sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”
“But why?” asked Pat.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replied.
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Pat asked his friend, Mike, what he’d bought his wife for Valentine’s Day.
“I’ve bought her a belt and a bag.”
“That sound good, I hope she appreciated the thought.”
Mike replied: “So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.”
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There once was an old man of Lyme
Who married three wives at a time
When asked: “Why a third?”
He replied: “One’s absurd!
“And bigamy, Sir, is a crime.”
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Five year old Liam loved chocolates as much as his mammy. His Daddy gave her a heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day. Later, Liam couldn’t resist the chocolates and he reached out to take one of them.
His mammy said: “If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?”
“Oh, yes” he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little hand patted the tops of all the chocolates. “Now I can eat them all.”
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Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because it couldn’t get a date.
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What is a ram’s favourite song on February 14th?
I only have eyes for ewe, dear.
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Would you like to stay on heart-shaped Valentine’s Day Island?
Just when you thought there was nothing new in the world of love and romance, Google steps in to prove you wrong. This island off the coast of Croatia has lain undisturbed for thousands of years. Now that may be about to change.
No one realised before, but thanks to pictures from Google Earth, the owners have discovered that their island is in the form of a passable heart shape. Already there are plans to develop it as a Valentine’s Day holiday resort for loving couples.
The owner said: “It has been incredible. We think it is the most perfect heart-shaped island in the world. Nobody lives there so if lovers really do want to spend time alone it’s the perfect desert island.
We always thought it looked a bit like a heart but since it’s been on Google Earth everyone else has seen it too and the whole world seems to want to stay here.”
Great Irish quotes – a flair for the memorable quote
